He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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