I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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