she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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