this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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