the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
