dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
