i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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