I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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