Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
