Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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