I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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