what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
