alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
