was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
