FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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