I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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