Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
