Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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