this beer tastes like vomit already
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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