Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
