I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
