I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
