I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
