why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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