once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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