Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
