it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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