Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
