your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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