thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
