17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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