i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
