if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
