Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
