I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
