I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
