if i can run in heels then i can drive
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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