sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
