there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
