Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
