They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
