It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
