I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
