I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
