Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
