Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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