who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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