just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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