haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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