i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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