I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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