I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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