What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
pop tarts are not kleenex
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
