she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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