Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
