Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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