Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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