i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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