i jhust puked up my retainher.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
