That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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