he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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