I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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