My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.