So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.