i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...