Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?