Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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