so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
