someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
