Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You can't special order awesome
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
